Ol’doinyo Lengai

 Alright, buckle up, fellow adventurers, because we’re heading to Northern Tanzania, where the Earth literally spits soda — yes, carbonated lava — and the locals casually call this beast “Mountain of God.” That’s Ol’doinyo Lengai, or as I like to call it, “Mount Whoa-doinyo!”

Rising a solid 2,880 meters (that’s 9,442 feet, aka "don’t skip leg day" altitude), this isn’t your average Instagrammable hike. It towers over the East African Rift Valley, looking down on us mere mortals while bubbling with divine sass.

Because the Maasai people, who live nearby and look way cooler in traditional attire than you ever will in hiking gear, pray on this mountain to “Enkai” (or “Engai”)—their God, the Creator of everything. And Enkai’s got a signature aesthetic: white lava rocks that symbolize His white beard. Yep, you heard that right. Even the volcano has a spiritual skincare routine.

When this volcano erupts, it oozes out carbonatite lava—a super rare kind of lava that’s dark brown when it pops out, but turns white faster than you can say “sunscreen!” Geologists from around the world come here to geek out, because Ol’doinyo Lengai is the only active volcano in the East African Rift Valley.

Only if you're scared of a mild, considerate volcano. This isn’t one of those fiery rage monsters like Mount Vesuvius. In fact, Ol’doinyo’s lava is basically the LaCroix of lava—carbonated, cooler than most, and surprisingly polite. Despite frequent eruptions, there’s never been a recorded injury or death from the volcano. So yeah, it erupts, but it’s kind of like a slow cooker—you know it’s hot, but it’s not going to burn the house down.

Oh, you absolutely can. But be warned: this isn’t a theme park trail. The climb is steep, the terrain is intense, and gravity will question your life choices. But no worries—no technical climbing gear is needed, just grit, determination, and probably a little bit of yelling.

You’ll trek for three days to the summit, and when you get there, you’ll be rewarded with an otherworldly view of the crater, complete with mini lava cones like God’s own collection of volcano cupcakes.

After your hike, don’t pack your bags just yet. Take some time to visit the majestic Lake Natron, which sounds like something out of a fantasy novel and looks like one too. It’s the largest lake in East Africa and home to thousands of flamingos—as if the mountain wasn’t fabulous enough.

Still have some energy? (Really?) Go on a walking safari from Ngare-Sero to Loliondo. Yes, on foot. You’ll be accompanied by armed rangers because, oh, did we mention there are elephants, zebras, and giraffes just casually hanging out? This isn’t a zoo. This is the real-deal Lion King experience, minus the catchy songs (unless you bring a speaker, which I do not recommend for the sake of the giraffes).